Step 1: open computer, stare at screen, stare at screen some more, stare at assigned task and scream in frustration, then calm down terrified dog

Step 2: make calming tea

Step 3: drink calming tea, stroke dog, ignore computer, the assigned tasks and anything associated with them

Step 4: think about task, stare at computer, stare into space, go to bed, sleep

Step 5: get up, be upset that task has not magically taken care of itself, do whatever

Step 6: decide to be productive, make tea

Step 7: go to room to prepare task, tidy room, answer messages, do washing, colour-coordinate pencils and post-its

Step 8: carefully lay out your notebook, laptop, pens, pencils, books, list-book, post-its and school folder on table,make sure placement of objects is exactly right

Step 9: open computer, find task assignments and read through them, read through them again to make sure your brain isn’t just fucking with you, then reread it one more time just to make absolutely sure

Step 10: write down task, make some bullet points, doodle on paper, stare at wall, dream of flying, realize there is a clock on the wall and that you spent too much time colour-coordinating the post-its

Step 11: move work stuff to room, ignore mess you’ve made, go to bed but don’t sleep

Step 12: get up, think about task, go back to bed

Step 13: get dragged out of bed, apologize for laziness, promise to be more productive but try not to think too hard about yesterday’s productivity

Step 14: ready work stuff, stare at computer tensely, try to breathe, remember how to breathe, relax shoulders a little and just take it one breath at a time

Step 15: relax a little more, focus less on breathing, type up one or two lines, frown at lines, retype them

Step 16: flick tiny paper balls through room, aim at whatever, sigh, look at screen, see what you have written, delete lines

Step 17: stare at screen, see nothing, dream of calamity

Step 18: twitch, giggle, shake a little, laugh, laugh uncontrollably and hysterically

Step 19: cry a little bit, finally stop laughing, stare at ceiling

Step 20: wash face, go for a run, come back

Step 21: ask for help:

How do you cure writer’s block?

 

 


Our teacher has asked us to summarize our writing and reading experience in one of our posts.
I don’t really know what to say.

 


 

Step 22: go out to enjoy the thunderstorm

So, as already mentioned in my last post, this reading project was initiated by my English teacher. That means I’ll have specific tasks and assignments to center my posts around.
This one will be focused on our main character, Sam himself, and the general setting of the first chapter. The instructions we were given are the  following:

1. Describe the setting of the story (where and when does it take place?) and find out the perspective in the first chapter (What kind of narrator? How can you tell?
2. Character analysis: Describe Sam as a character. You should:
– find adjectives to describe him
– find quotes in chapter one to support your analysis

Let’s get cracking then!

The Setting: Where does chapter one take place?

Sam is not only the main protagonist of the story, but also the narrator. This chapter does not seem to take place in one specific location. Sam does however mention a few key places which I presume will probably play a larger role in the story later on. Examples of this would be:

  • His home – specifically his own bedroom (in which the object with the highest value to him appears to be his Tony Hawk poster, it’s the only thing from there that he repeatedly mentions)
  • School – he states that he’s no straight A student but that he’s good at art, and will potentially go on to study it at college
  • Grind City –  “… I’d spent most of the day down at Grind City, which as you may or may not know is a skate park a short bus ride from my house…”

Other than that, the only other way I could think to describe the location is that it all seems to place take place in Sam’s head. Reading that, you might think the chapter itself is written as a monologue; it kind of is but it doesn’t really read as one. It reads more like a dialogue – except you’re only hearing one side of the conversation.

It might also be important, when analyzing the setting, to mention that the events he’s recounting are from his past: “This was a couple of years ago…”

Character analysis: Who exactly is Sam?

To be honest, this was quite a difficult question for me to answer, simply because I found Sam to be quite boring.

Why you say?

Well, the only thing he ever seems to be even the tiniest bit passionate about is his skating. Nothing else seems to interest him in the least. Even art, which he implies he intends to study, and therefore implies it is something he is willing to invest his life in, and yet it doesn’t seem to interest him even mildly.
This was something I found rather hard to swallow, as being an artist is something I strongly identify with.

So considering that, if I had to sum up Sam in one word, and were I not to reread the chapter in-depth beforehand, I would probably say disinterested or maybe even apathetic.

However, on rereading the chapter (after suppressing my inner artists rage at his apparent lack of concern towards our craft) I actually discovered that Sam is a lot deeper than I initially thought.

As  already described above Sam is a no straight A student, he is artistic and loves skating.

He is also in many ways what one would consider to be your typical teenager:

  • He stereotypically loves his mother but has difficulty relating to her, “I’m not dissing my mum, but she hasn’t got a clue, really.”
  • He has a general dislike for maths (yes, not all teens hate maths, I know, but it does seem to me that the majority of us don’t find a particularly large amount of joy in it)
  • He’s somewhat estranged from his father and can’t seem get along with his mother’s boyfriend, “Steve, her rubbish boyfriend.” (again, this is by no means the case with all teens but the ‘estranged father figure’ is something that is represented in rather large abundance in todays media; especially in connection to teenagers or characters with troubled pasts)
  • He idolizes an untouchable celebrity (which seems to me to be quite typical in todays culture).

But is he really?

I talk to Tony Hawk, and Tony Hawk talks back.

What’s this? Is he schizophrenic?

No, if you continue reading you’ll discover this:

…my mum bought me a Tony Hawk poster off the internet… and I just got into the habit of telling it things…

Why does he do this?

My theory is that Sam is disconnected from the people around him. Not only that, but we can assume he feels both lonely and isolated from the people around him because he says that his mum bought him the poster so that he has “…somebody else to talk to.” To me it reads as though his mother is the only stable relationship he has.

We know that he has definitely not mentioned anyone from school, on top of that we know that his parents are divorced and that he doesn’t seem to have much of a relationship with his father. In fact, the only time he mentions him in the text, the subtext strongly implies his frustration at him. (“…he was giving us what he ought to have been giving us all the time.”)

Could it be that he’s using the image he has of Tony Hawk as a substitute father figure?

Sam shows extremely obsessive behaviour when it comes to his idol. He has read his autobiography “forty or fifty times” and knows it off by heart thus enabling him to have conversations with him in his head and he only uses the mans own words when he does it. He not only talks to “TH” about skating but goes to him when he has personal problems or wants to ask for advice, instead of consulting his parents.

His behaviour makes me suspect that he is possibly depressed and maybe a little bit disturbed. He on the other hand believes his behaviour to be completely normal:

Who doesn’t talk to someone in their heads? Who doesn’t talk to God, or a pet, or someone they love who has died, or maybe just to themselves?

While I’d agree that it’s true that we all have some form of a discussion partner in our heads, it is in its own way always a version of ourselves, because we can only rationalise out answers, to the extent needed, in our own heads, when they are actually to be found there.
An example for this would be if you were to talk to your granny in your head, of course you’re not actually talking to your granny but to what she symbolizes for you. Perhaps she is your inner wisdom or your voice of inner critic, who knows.

In Sam’s case, he has not only religiously read his book, but can also only accept answers derived from anything that Tony Hawk has actually said. As such he limits himself to these answers and can’t rationalise things out if Tony Hawk hasn’t said something on the subject.

Like I said, not everything TH comes up with is exactly right. It’s not his fault. It’s just that his book isn’t long enough.

 

 

 

 

 

Good news! I’m still alive! *manic laugh*

Anyway, I’m aware I haven’t exactly been the most active when it comes to updating this site and producing new posts, so sorry about that.
*checks dashboard and realises last update was well over a year ago*
*panics slightly, then kicks evidence under the bed and proceeds to ignore it*

Despite that, I have actually prepared a few different pieces that I’ve been wanting to share with you all for quite some time, but between school, training, drama club and general craziness, I’ve simply never gotten around to typing them up and/or scanning them in.

Not exactly the best excuse I know, but I’m afraid it’s all I have to offer.

At any rate, the trigger that’s gotten me posting again is actually a reading project that we’ve recently started in English class.
As some of you may already know, I’m a Scot by birth, but am currently living in Germany and have been for the past 11 years (more or less).
In Germany learning foreign languages is taken very seriously and English lessons start in primary school. So most people here can speak it to a very high level or at least know enough to get themselves around, if needs be.
That’s good news for me, because it means despite now living in a different country, I can still work at and improve my English skills without getting bored. And I never feel like I’m wasting my time when I’m  in this class in school.
This year a part of the curriculum is that we should read an English youth book, analyse it and work through it and the issues it presents.

The book chosen by our teacher is ‘Slam’ by Nick Hornby.

I’ve never read (or actually heard of) this particular book before so I’m rather looking forward to it. Being a reader by nature (despite a few initial problems caused by my dyslexia) I would probably decide to live in a library given the choice. I used to read at least two books a week but due to the ever rising amount of school work I have to do, I’m afraid I haven’t had all too much time for my beloved books recently. In fact, not all too long ago I realised that all I’ve managed to read since the start of 2016 is one complete book (and two halves, but that doesn’t count)! Only one book!

To say I was appalled by this somewhat painful epiphany would be putting it lightly.

Now, while normally such a moment of clarity is supposed to lead one to change ones ways and carry on along the right path towards where one had initially wanted to go, I could hardly just drop out of school due to “otherwise not having enough time to read books”.
So all it did for me was make me feel rather miserable.

However, due to the above mentioned circumstances, I doubt there’s another student in the class who is and was as excited as I am at the prospect of our new reading project.

Anyway, where was I?
Ah, yes:

The book chosen by our teacher is ‘Slam’ by Nick Hornby.
After reading the first chapter, I can tell you that it is well written, and that Sam, the main character, a sixteen year old skater kid coming from a divorced background, is easy enough to relate to. Sam, like most of us, is driven by his passion (skating) and idol (in his case Tony Hawk) that he strives to be like or even to surpass. Especially as teens or young adults that’s something we can draw strength from when we need it.
Seeing as this is already addressed pretty strongly in the first chapter, I expect it may play a larger role later on it the book.

Another indication as to what this novel might be about is the title.

‘Slam’

That’s a rather unusual name, don’t you think?

The first thing that comes to mind for me, is the mental image of our living room door rather over-zealously connecting to its frame, after the almost diva-like departure of my two year younger brother.

The second thing that comes to mind, is the image of a person running, then something crashing into them from the side and knocking them off course.

For anyone who isn’t all that well acquainted with the word, this is its definition according to google:

SLAM

  1. Verb  shut (a door, window, or lid) forcefully and loudly.
              “he slams the door behind him as he leaves”
  2. Noun  a loud bang caused by the forceful shutting of something such as a door.
               “the back door closed with a slam”
  3. North America, informal  prison

There are quite a lot of doors mentioned when it comes to this particular forceful movement, aren’t there?
Well, then at least it would seem our household is not the only one who lets doors unjustly take on the brunt of our anger.

By any means, I do doubt that the last definition has any bearing on our story, seeing as it takes place in the UK and not North America.

Other than that though, it does give you quite a bit to think about:

  • Is Sam, in truth, a really stroppy teen who runs around causing unreasonable amounts of damage to people’s doors?
  • Maybe it’s referring to one specific forceful movement later to come, a severe skating accident perhaps?
  • Or maybe the collision is more metaphorical? Something that knocks him or life as he has known it, onto a completely different course?

I suppose the only way to find out is to start reading…

I recently discovered my old diary whilst tidying my room. Needless to say I didn’t get too much more tidying done after that…

Anyway, after skimming through it, I realized that while my love for writing was no recently discovered thing, I used to be rather… well, pretty damn terrible at it! Instead of deciding to share my innermost thoughts and philosophies or even the secret to the meaning of life, I simply seem to have documented random facts with little more significance than what colour our toilet wallpaper was. In fact, when reading the former entries, one gets the impression that one is reading something with about as much emotional worth as a scientific protocol.

Maybe I thought that if I bumbled along and wrote down enough random facts something of value might slip out along the way?

Anyhow, even though I only just staggered out of bed not too long ago, I am, thanks to my daily coffee, no longer in my usual morning zombie mode. I am, nonetheless, still shuffling around like a pensioner. This does, however, have less to do with being undead and more to do with my bright decision to join my local dojo to get pounded upon by our over friendly neighbourhood ninjas. I’m still a little surprised that anyone would greet you with a manic smile and a hug only then to immediately attack you with a wooden sword afterwards.

Who knows, maybe I’ll learn something through it someday…

So, now that I ache in places I didn’t even realize existed, I oh so intelligently decided it would be a fantastic idea to take my ADHD, autistic brother and my manic sister to the ice rink with only my sometime-slightly-absent older sister as back up, even though there is no bus service on a sunday, my brother’s tablets have yet to kick in and I still feel like I went ten rounds with King Kong.

Oh, the joys of life…

Oh Death

Posted: December 4, 2014 in Art
Tags: , , , , , ,

 

Inspired by the song “O’Death” by Jen Titus.

 oh-death2

 

Defeat

Posted: September 1, 2014 in Poetry
Tags: , , , , ,

They bicker and jab,
bitch and nag.
They insult and growl,
scream and scowl.

Then it’s over, they forget,
There’s nothing left to regret.

I am irritated.

They bicker and growl,
bitch and scowl.
They insult and nag,
scream and jab.

Then they will go off to play,
are fine the next day.

I am agitated.

Again they bicker and jab.
Again they insult and growl.
They bitch, they nag,
they scream, they scowl.

I am aggravated.

Then suddenly everything is fine
and I am at the end of my line.

I want to SCREAM.
I want to BREAK something.
I want to break EVERYTHING.

And then they do it again
and all I can do is despair.

I am left with no place to which I could retreat,
bitter and empty with defeat.

Butterdragon

Posted: June 15, 2014 in Art
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This is my newest creation and also the first picture that I manged to watermark with a lot a little help from my Dad.

scan0037

Thanks Pa!

The Archer

Posted: June 13, 2014 in Art
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This is a picture I drew a couple of days ago:

hawkeye

It’s the cover of the seconde Hawkeye comic in the new series by David Aja which I copied for fun.

I messed up the shading in the hair a little bit but apart from that I think it turned out rather well.🙂

Lucy-Ann

Posted: June 13, 2014 in Art
Tags: , ,

This is a practice picture I drew three years ago.

lori_rabbit

Most pictures that I am going to put on this blog will be pictures done for practice or fun.